I came home tonight and really felt I should write this testimony
down.... Know that I will be standing with our
church at every prayer meeting.
I stood there last night at the prayer meeting, hearing the
prayers & wanting desperately for my prayers and my heart to be
I was doing my best with the faith that I had but it wasn't sincere,
it wasn't 100%.
I've stood in that place of desperate prayer before. In that place
where a life hangs in the balance and the prayer is a matter of life
and death. I've stood there and rallied the heavens and asked for
healing and declared Gods word and Gods name and Gods power in the
lives of people I loved.
When I stood there last night and my pastor asked us for
unnegotiable faith I knew I didn't have it and I couldn't give it.
It's not that I didn't believe that God could do it. Infact I know he
I know there are people in this world who have received a miracle and
have been healed and I know that Jesus is the same yesterday today and
tomorrow so as miracles were performed then, they are possible now.
It's not a question of Could or couldn't but a question of would or
wouldn't. Would God heal or wouldn't he?
I joined the prayer last night because i knew it was the
right thing to do and I knew it's what I needed to do but there was a
wall.... Something I had constructed to protect my heart from the pain
and disappointment of my unanswered prayers. Disappointment, doubt.
But I as I stood and prayed I knew that this wasn't how I wanted to
live, half faith wasn't what Jesus died for me to have, a maybe prayer
wasn't what God required from me for this situation.
What caused healing to flow from Jesus was faith; what won battles was
faith; what raised the dead was faith; what provided food was faith;
what drove out demons was faith. Faith that God is willing and God is
Last night I realized that it wasn't my job to be concerned about
whether God would or wouldn't -that's Gods job and only Gods -and that
sort of doubt erodes faith. My job is to have faith.
To have un-negotiable faith.
To have faith even where I have not seen the fruit of that faith
I have to knock and keep knocking l, ask and keep asking. I have to
get back on the horse so to speak.
Yes I've had a bit of a fall I've been disappointed but horses are
meant to be ridden!!!!!
So I'm in for the ride. I'm standing in faith- un-negotiatble faith. I
will ask and keep on asking. I will rally the heavens and declared
Gods word and Gods name and Gods power in life.