I came home tonight and really felt I should write this testimony
down.... Know that I will be standing with our
church at every prayer meeting.
I stood there last night at the prayer meeting, hearing the
prayers & wanting desperately for my prayers and my heart to be
I was doing my best with the faith that I had but it wasn't sincere,
it wasn't 100%.
I've stood in that place of desperate prayer before. In that place
where a life hangs in the balance and the prayer is a matter of life
and death. I've stood there and rallied the heavens and asked for
healing and declared Gods word and Gods name and Gods power in the
lives of people I loved.
When I stood there last night and my pastor asked us for
unnegotiable faith I knew I didn't have it and I couldn't give it.
It's not that I didn't believe that God could do it. Infact I know he
I know there are people in this world who have received a miracle and
have been healed and I know that Jesus is the same yesterday today and
tomorrow so as miracles were performed then, they are possible now.
It's not a question of Could or couldn't but a question of would or
wouldn't. Would God heal or wouldn't he?
I joined the prayer last night because i knew it was the
right thing to do and I knew it's what I needed to do but there was a
wall.... Something I had constructed to protect my heart from the pain
and disappointment of my unanswered prayers. Disappointment, doubt.
But I as I stood and prayed I knew that this wasn't how I wanted to
live, half faith wasn't what Jesus died for me to have, a maybe prayer
wasn't what God required from me for this situation.
What caused healing to flow from Jesus was faith; what won battles was
faith; what raised the dead was faith; what provided food was faith;
what drove out demons was faith. Faith that God is willing and God is
Last night I realized that it wasn't my job to be concerned about
whether God would or wouldn't -that's Gods job and only Gods -and that
sort of doubt erodes faith. My job is to have faith.
To have un-negotiable faith.
To have faith even where I have not seen the fruit of that faith
I have to knock and keep knocking l, ask and keep asking. I have to
get back on the horse so to speak.
Yes I've had a bit of a fall I've been disappointed but horses are
meant to be ridden!!!!!
So I'm in for the ride. I'm standing in faith- un-negotiatble faith. I
will ask and keep on asking. I will rally the heavens and declared
Gods word and Gods name and Gods power in life.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
A short story based on 1 Kings 10 about the power of willingness.
She came to Jerusalem with a great entourage; with camels bearing spices, much gold and precious stones….
She had heard so much about this sophisticated and ancient city, and upon arriving could sense the excitement in the air. Jerusalem’s subtle beauty and charm added to the mystique and anticipation of all she was about to experience.
As she arrived at Solomon’s palace and the magnificent temple he had built for his God, she was overwhelmed by its beauty, which was unlike anything she had ever seen. Walking by the many water courses and exotic gardens which spanned the sweeping courtyards and meeting places, she could see many people attending to the needs of innumerable groups at the multiple gateways and entrances.
She had heard that this was a place where the doors were open day and night, attending to the needs of all who wished to come and seek assistance, but this was something she had never allowed herself to believe, until now.
She was infatuated by those who frequented this place. They seemed to display a dignity for life that was rarely seen in her world. Just as she thought this, she was met by an attendant who seated her in the most exquisite court, nestled serenely under a grove of palm trees that seemed to rise almost to the heavens. These magnificent trees were only dwarfed by the enormity of the impressive architecture of the temple and palace buildings. Her feet were carefully washed with such care and attention, and the most elegant shoes were placed on her feet.
She allows her gaze to drift upward into the eyes of the beautiful woman attending to her needs so tenderly, preparing her for entrance into one of the most holy and revered places of worship and famed kingdom activity.
She asks this woman, a picture of innocence and serenity, “Where are you from?”
She responds with the most subtle hint of a smile only just detectable in her eyes. “I am from Egypt,” the attendant answers, and begins to tell of the business enterprises established by Solomon in order to free prostitutes and slaves from slave traders passing though Jerusalem.
“I was one purchased by such a business group, and with their support I have been able to finance my freedom from an unthinkable future.”
“So you are a slave here?” the Queen asked, and without waiting for an answer to her own question responds, “what a luxury then for you to be in servitude in such magnificent surroundings.”
“Oh no, my Queen. I am a free woman and independently wealthy. I am also able, from my income, to support other slaves seeking freedom.” The Queen, being confused by her answer, questioned her. “Then what are you doing working as a servant, if you’re a free woman?”
The response was not what she was expecting; yet something she will never forget. “The gratitude I have for my purchased salvation from the wickedness that would have befallen me has now become the driving force behind all I do for this temple. I serve here willingly and will never leave this place.”
Stunned by this story the queen begins to think of the many servants she has bought or had trafficked from places like Egypt, and from the kind of slave trade this woman has just described. Many she had even tricked into slavery from families she had known.
She cannot help thinking of the many she had betrayed who would be retired at the end of every day into locked chambers after serving in her courts. This would be repeated daily for the rest of their lives without thanks, any personal recognition or benefit.
As she is led from there by another attendant she looks sideways at another person, this time a young man whom she estimates to be in his 30s. She can’t help thinking how she would never do this at her own palace, look into the face of an attendant, wondering about his or her life.
The Queen now thinks intently in an attempt to recall the faces of her own outer court attendants, but can’t in her thoughts even stumble on a single face or one story of those who served under her command. An emotion begins to overwhelm her heart, one she has never felt before, a personal connection with these remarkable people. She is surprised by her thoughts that are now racing, thinking that any one of these lowly outer court attendants could work as one of her own personal assistants.
She ascends the magnificent staircase with large ornate windows creating a breathtaking view overlooking the city. This beautiful aspect seemed to invite all those who ascended to be reminded of the focus of their worship and kingdom purpose, the people of the city in which they dwelt. From here she could get a better view of the many groups being attended to at the gates of the temple she had seen earlier. This time, though, she found herself concentrating on individuals, wondering about their personal circumstance and life story, and how maybe she might, in some way, help them also.
As she entered the inner courts she hoped no one could read her thoughts. They were not the thoughts of a Queen she mused, which are always to be concerned with higher matters – or at least, this is what she had always convinced herself. She was unable to take her eyes off the many people coming and going, and couldn’t help wondering about them and why they were here.
‘These people carry themselves,’ she thought, ‘with the dignity and purpose only comparable to the invited guests who would attend the many Heads of State dinners I have hosted.’ Yet she wondered if even this comparison was sufficient to describe the pure resolve she was confronted with here.
She is now ushered into an expansive area where a beautiful banqueting table takes centre stage, it is here she catches a glimpse of Solomon for the first time. His fame and wisdom has been spreading across the known world. Stories, paintings and descriptions have been spreading abroad. His fame is formidable, his wisdom and the grace with which he has been able to rule this kingdom are well known. Their eyes meet, but being familiar with the known protocol among royalty, she knew too well to wait till he was finished with the matters of the day.
But just then he catches her eye and quickly excuses himself, hurrying over to greet her with the warmness usually reserved for a close friend or fondly loved family member.
The Queen is taken back by his sincere kindness, to someone who he had only just met for the first time.
When she sat with Solomon, she told him all that was on her mind. They talked for hours about matters of life, philosophy, politics, matters of national and international interest. She quizzed him on the accuracy and relevance of the ancient Hebrew manuscripts and many of the scriptures he was basing his kingdom philosophies upon.
As late morning drifted into evening, they dined on foods prepared with what, if she was not mistaken, seemed to be a deep devotion and love, a willingness of servanthood she was unaccustomed to but was convinced added to the flavours and the overall experience.
Over the next few days there were many of these conversations as they travelled across his kingdom, viewing first-hand the many programs he had introduced to bring prosperity and blessing to people from all walks of life. She took every opportunity to sit in the many libraries and reading rooms, meditating on his many volumes and the books he had written on subjects of life, politics, philosophy and spirituality. Yet of all the time she spent in his kingdom, by far her favourite experience was making any excuse to talk to the people who served this kingdom and learn their story of freedom and devotion to this place.
On her journey home, during the many hours of travel, she could do nothing else but recall the sights, smells, the many smiles, genuine love and respect shown, from the very least of his servants. It lingered in her spirit in such a way that she did not want to return to her own kingdom. In comparison there seemed such emptiness in the world she had built for herself. She was haunted by thoughts of these people she was unable to forget, the character of his officials, and the attendance of his servants, his cupbearers, their clothing, and the many willing offerings at this house of the LORD, and there was no more breath in her.
She was confounded by the wisdom of this house, the hospitality, of the servants, and their amazing willingness to dedicate themselves to this house without being forced, captured or convinced in any way. Their freedom had, in her reasoning, overflowed into a richness of all things that was causing this place to gather fame across the earth. She is so convinced now of its beauty that she can think of almost nothing else. She is amazed at her refusal to believe reports until now.
Just then her own servant came and placed her hand gently on the Queen’s shoulder. Initially surprised by this personal approach, but even more than this that her servant seemed to understand what she was thinking, as she had not shared this with anyone, the Queen turns quickly and finds herself looking directly into the eyes of this personal servant. She realizes that in reality, it is probably the first time. She looks at her for what seems like an eternity. Surprised by the beauty and grace in this person she thought she knew, qualities that she has never been able notice until right now.
After looking at each other without a word, nervously her servant says, “My Queen, of what you were made aware before you came, I believe the half was not told of this place.” The Queen, as if finishing the sentence says, “His wisdom and prosperity the beauty of this holy place, surpass every report that I had heard, it is true.”
Together they begin to plan her next visit before the return journey is even complete. As she looks back in the distance across the miles that have been passed since leaving Jerusalem, she thinks out loud as though she is still speaking with him. “Happy are your people! Happy are your servants, who continually stand before you and hear your wisdom!
Blessed is the LORD your God, who has delighted in you and set you on the throne of Israel in his wisdom! Because the LORD has loved Israel, he has made you king, that you may execute justice and what is right.”
Monday, February 15, 2010
I am sitting at the doctor’s office waiting to see my Doctor for what seems one too many visits this year. It got me thinking that the Doctor is one of the people in our world that really wants to do us good but whom we may not want to see. So I am sitting here wondering if there are any other parallels like this in our lives. Things that really do us good but are sometimes a pill we would rather not swallow. Things like discipline, correction or wisdom, things that are right and true that we don’t want to or refuse to hear or apply to our lives. What about playing it safe rather than exercising faith. Thinking more about what we perceive to be our personal rights, desires, wants or demands, with no consideration of the needs of others or the common good of all. Jesus said to Peter, at the moment you predominantly do as YOU please, but the day will come when others will lead you where you don’t want to go. When you’ll be prepared to do what others want you to do. And after this he said follow me. That’s a huge call in most people’s lives follow me where you are not prepared to go. Chuck Palahniuk a writer in 1962 said, “Don’t do what you want. Do what you don’t want. Do what your trained or taught to do. Do the things that scare you the most”. Living our best Life always demands more of us than we’d like to give sometimes. But it’s important to realise that things we DON’T like are sometimes really good for us and something’s that we really DO like are not always the best for us. Ahhh just been in to the doctor, off to South Africa for 10 days. He just gave me Hep A Booster shot. Really bad headache and a little dizzy, think I’ll lie down for a minute. I’m sure this is doing me good!!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Hope for change is the new worship album being recorded right now in the studio. Worship is the great privilege of the relationship we enjoy with heaven. By it we can enter into the actual presence of God. There is nothing more important than the pursuit of intimacy with our God. Harvest Church has always taken this journey into the courts of God though praise seriously. It has been our great joy over the years to write songs that reflect that relationship with heaven. Nothing is better than to stand in a crowded church auditorium or on an outdoor stage and watch people enter into a God moment by being in an atmosphere of worship. Hope for change reflects that passion for God the heart of the church recorded in 11 songs. Our Hope is it becomes a blessing to all who experience it.
Friday, January 15, 2010
The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety. George E. Muelle
So true - but someone recently reminded me that unless you have gone through extreme panic and anxiety disorder, faith doesn't seem to even begin to cover it! Those who suffer anxiety disorder and other struggles such as deep depression etc, truly face a battle many of us could not even begin to imagine.
I was recently sent these insightful comments in response to this Blog entry... so well said I wanted to share it with you.....
I just have to tell you that I reeeaalllly like your recent blog. I read statements like the one you opened with and instantly feel a sense of condemnation as I am one of those silent sufferers you speak of. I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder 2 years ago, and honestly it was a relief to shine a light on it... understanding brings power to change your circumstances. Obviously, for a long time I've lived with symptoms of anxiety, and believing comments like that statement, and therefore feeling a little more defeated every time which ultimately led me to depression. Now, I know that its not my lack of faith, or that I'm not a good enough christian, but have a genetic disposition towards feeling symptoms of stress - migranes, panic attacks, constriction, the feeling of not being able to relax, and constantly tired because of the adrenaline always running thru my system. It was a relief to know that I can change things, get help, understanding, and take the pressure off trying to force myself to stop having these feelings! As you can see, for the most part, for me I don't believe its a spiritual anxiety, and therefore I can 'feel' anxiety but still be living in a state of spiritual faith. I understand that my faith is also a critical element to overcoming, but I think that in my situation, it will be my 'good fight' and something I will be dealing with throughout my life.
I actually feel that its been good to have gone thru the experiences and dealing with this issue, because its something that a lot of people struggle with yet, its not truly understood unless you've walked thru it. Its not based on circumstances, and often you struggle with guilt for feeling bad when life couldn't be better... I know I can relate to people others can't, but I just wanted to let you know that you have hit the mark! And by doing so, the very people you are trying to reach and speak too, will open up and come out, rather that be pushed back into the darkness of the torment and guilt of not being able to be so 'black and white'.
Faith and Anxiety - Spiritual opposites to some - to others a physical and spiritual condition that can be experienced at the same time. The flesh and the spirit are always struggling for control, its a matter of understanding which you feed, and not beating yourself up in the process.
Hope I've shed a little light on my little world, and encouraged you in the process...
I hope this is encouraging for those who are facing this difficult battle of faith... Your not alone we stand with you.
I would encourage others to share their testimonies here as well by adding a comment below.
We fight the fight of faith together. Please, be encouraged not to face fear and uncertainty alone.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety. George E. Muelle
So true - but someone recently reminded me that unless you have gone through extreme panic and anxiety disorder, faith doesn't seem to even begin to cover it! Those who suffer anxiety disorder and other struggles such as deep depression etc, truly face a battle many of us could not even begin to imagine. I have discussed this with those who have had unimaginable suffering with anxiety. Unfortunately there are those who still face ongoing heartache, enduring it sometimes in silence for fear others would not understand. In my discussions with people like this, Faith can be among other strategies, something that has sustained them when hope seemed a just a distant memory. The struggle with anxiety disorder and the like is a real prison for those who can not break free. 2 Tim 7, I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith. Faith is sometimes a fight we wage over the course of our lives. For those who carry ongoing burdens, we pray the support of those around them will be evident and real. Make certain the faith within you becomes a bridge upon which others suffering around you will be able to find safe passage to a secure foothold on hope and a renewed scene of peace. We fight the fight of faith together and we must never face fear and uncertainty alone.